


Cooking by the Book

by PrepSchoolAda



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human
Genre: Baking, Disaster Gays, Disaster Lesbians, F/F, bisexual north, idfk this is a mess, surprise parties, wholesome baking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrepSchoolAda/pseuds/PrepSchoolAda
Summary: Ada and North are implored by a desperate Valerie to bake a cake for Tina's surprise party to celebrate her promotion to detective, despite neither of them ever having prepared food of any kind before. Against all logical reasoning, they accept the task and prepare a cake in their own inimitable style.
Relationships: Ada (Detroit: Evolution)/North (Detroit: Become Human), Ada/North, Tina Chen (Detroit: Become Human)/Valerie Morales-Chen
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	Cooking by the Book

**Author's Note:**

> Y'ALL READY FOR ADANORTH FLUFF WITH NO PLOT, I BET YOU ARE, LET'S GOOOOOO
> 
> [no connection to the Memories fic because this directly contradicts it lmao]

Ada was on her way home from work when her phone buzzed. It surprised her a little when it did, she rarely received phone calls; androids had no need for phones. In fact, she, Nines and Connor were the only androids she knew that owned them; they were close with people who couldn't use Cyberlife's built-in interfaces at their leisure, after all. When Ada's rang, she knew that it was likely to be either Tina or Valerie. Ada knew exactly what the subject of this call was going to be. Tina had been promoted to detective, and Valerie was throwing her a surprise party tomorrow. Ada and North had been assisting in any way they could, and their services were about to be required one last time.

"Hello?" Ada answered politely as she walked.

"Ada, thank God," Valerie said breathlessly, sounding harassed. "Okay, so you know that awesome cake I ordered that was supposed to say 'Congratulations Tina, You Sweet Piece of Ass' on it?"

Ada cringed when she was reminded of that. "Tell me again why that's a good idea?"

"It's a pun! Kind of! Piece of cake? Piece of ass? Tina will love it!"

"If you say so, Val," Ada sighed, thinking once again that Valerie's puns needed some serious work. 

"Anyway, the bakery pulled out at the last second! Something about a deposit problem? It was so unprofessional!"

"Val, maybe they just didn't want to write about Tina's ass on one of their cakes."

"Well if that's the reason, I'm even more offended!" said Valerie huffily. "Anyway, Chris is swamped work and his family so I didn't wanna bother him, and I already got Nines and Gavin decorating the apartment tonight while Tina's out of town, so..."

Ada stopped walking. "No. Absolutely not."

"Ada, come on, it's not hard!" Valerie insisted. "You just get a recipe online, follow the instructions and boom! You got a cake!"

"Valerie, I have never cooked before, neither has North! We don't eat, remember?"

"You're supposed to be an advanced model, right? You got this!" said Valerie, and she really seemed to mean it. rA9, she was about to be so disappointed.

Ada sighed. She could always buy a cake from the store and ice it, she supposed.

"Okay, fine. We'll come by early tomorrow to drop it off."

"Thank you so much! Drinks are on me next time we're out!"

Ada wondered if she should tell Valerie at some point that she wasn't actually a huge fan of thirium cocktails.

*

Ada arrived home to find North on the couch, hugging her knees and wearing a distressed expression. There was even something resembling horror in her eyes.

"North?" Ada moved closer and tried to get a look at what was on the TV, curious as to what was making North so afraid. North had lived through the android revolution, after all; it took a lot to unsettle her. Ada scoffed when she realised what was going on; North was watching the children's animated film Trolls.

"North, what are you doing?"

North held a shaky finger up to the screen. "This... this is a monstrosity."

Ada slumped next to North, absentmindedly and naturally leaning against her.

"How did you even find this?" said Ada, exhaling a small laugh.

"I was channel surfing and it just appeared," said North, still in a daze. "It's like a car crash and I just can't look away..."

"What's so horrifying about it?" giggled Ada, playing with North's hair.

"All they do... is hug... and dance... and SING," murmured North in horror. "That is no LIFE, it's a DEATH SENTENCE. Who is this HAPPY all the time?! I'm so disturbed! God, I hope they all get eaten."

Ada laughed. "As exciting as this is, you got any plans tonight?"

"I do, actually! Hold on..."

North propped Ada back against the corner of the couch, lay against her chest and snaked an arm around her, making sure she was in a comfortable position for the evening.

"Yup, that's about right," said North contentedly, looking up at Ada but not lifting her head. "Now, have you ever seen Killing Eve?"

Ada smiled fondly, holding onto North. "As lovely as that sounds, we need to go to the store tonight. We won't be there long, we just gotta pick up a cake and maybe some decorating tools."

North raised an eyebrow. "Uh, why?"

Ada pursed her lips. "I kinda sorta agreed to bake a cake for Tina's promotion party. Valerie was panicking quite a bit, she didn't have anyone else to ask. I know we can't bake but I agreed. We don't even have to make the thing, we can just buy a cake and decorate it. Though it will involve writing 'Congratulations Tina, You Sweet Piece of Ass' on it."

North guffawed. "Ha! Tina's gonna love that!"

Ada's eyes rolled to the back of her head. Of course North thought that.

North sat upright. "Hey, why don't we bake it?"

Ada frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! We can do anything humans can do, especially you, first ever RK model or whatever," said North, pulling Ada to her feet. 

Ada huffed a laugh. "Well, it would be a good opportunity to use that kitchen of ours. Why do we even have that?"

"Well maybe if we didn't have so many HUMAN FRIENDS, we wouldn't need a kitchen, Ada!" said North in mock-exasperation.

"Don't worry, North, I'm still a strong believer in 'All Humans Are Bastards'."

North smiled, squeezing Ada's hand. "That's my girl!"

North briefly shut her eyes, and after a few short moments her eyes popped back open.

"Boom! Found a recipe! Check this out!"

North interfaced over the recipe, and Ada was surprised to say the least. 

"It's... it's a rainbow zebra cake."

North's eyebrows knit together. "What's wrong with rainbows?"

"Nothing, I just figured you weren't into colours at the moment. You know, with the trauma associated with the Trolls movie."

North shrugged. "Well, this way I can pretend I've blended the little bastards and put them into a cake. Plus I think literally everyone in attendance apart from Detective Miller is gay, so it's very fitting."

*

North pushed Ada around the store in a shopping cart, who sat quite happily with her legs crossed as she plucked the various ingredients off the shelves they passed.

"I have got to wonder where humans got the idea to eat eggs," muttered North. "It's like... you know what? These chicken babies don't taste so good. Maybe heating them up to a ridiculous temperature will do the trick."

"And the weird thing is that WORKED," said Ada leaning over the edge of the cart, picking up a carton of six. All that was left to get was sprinkles.

"You having fun in there, Ada?" teased North as they turned the corner into the next isle. 

Ada lifted her arms in the air, sporting rock 'n' roll hand signals. "SO much fun!"

North chuckled and planted a quick kiss on top of Ada's head. "Alright, get some sprinkles and we're done."

Ada reached out and selected one tub from each row.

"Um, I don't think we need that many sprinkles."

Ada bit her lip slightly. "I mean... how big is the cake going to be? What is a good amount of sprinkles? The recipe we chose assumes we already know that."

"Good point, fill the rest of the cart with them."

North pushed Ada to the checkout counter when she was done making a selection, who found herself buried under cake ingredients and giggling a lot as a result. 

*

"Alright, let's do this!" Ada said enthusiastically, laying out the ingredients on the kitchen counter. "You know? You were right. We're a couple of advanced androids, we can do this! Okay, pre-heat the oven, easy enough... boom! So, what do we have to do next?"

North wore a look of bewilderment as she consulted the recipe. "We have to line sandwich cake tins."

Ada's eyes widened. "We have to what in the what?"

"We have to... line sandwich cake tins... with baking parchment."

Ada struggled to speak for a moment in her confusion. "I don't know what either of those things are. We could use baking trays, right? We have some of those, we use them when we cook for Tina and Valerie all the time..."

North smirked. "Taking french fries out of the freezer and putting them in the oven doesn't really count as cooking, Ada."

Ada held up three baking trays protectively. "Let me have this, North!"

North chortled affectionately. "Could we use regular paper for baking parchment?"

Ada sat the trays on the counter and clapped her hands together. "Why not!"

The baking session more or less went on like this; namely, all the correct ingredients were used, but so were all the wrong utensils. In their eagerness to successfully gather all the ingredients needed to prepare Tina's cake, both Ada and North had forgotten that they owned next to no tools for cooking anything more complex than frozen food or the occasional microwave dinner. Instead of the more traditional 'beating' method involving a whisk, North had taken to holding the ingredients in place while Ada literally beat them up. The recipe had neglected to mention that the eggs needed to be de-shelled, so they went in the mix whole and raw. The three mixing bowls that the recipe instructed them to divide the mix into were of vastly different shapes and sizes, one of them being a very large mug. And of course, to top it all off, at least two tubs of rainbow sprinkles were dumped on the cake mixture right before shoving it in the oven.

"Eureka!" yelled North.

"What?"

"I don't know, humans say it when things go well," said North, washing her hands in the sink. "Okay, we have to leave it in there for thirty minutes until it's firm to the touch."

"HA!"

"You're so mature," deadpanned North. "So, how about a little Killing Eve while we wait?"

Ada took North's hand and led her to the couch. "Sounds like a plan!"

Neither of the extremely advanced androids thought that perhaps they should keep an eye on the monstrosity growing in their oven.

*

"RA9, KILL IT, KILL IT!"

Ada had opened the oven thirty minutes later and an absolute demon of a concoction had come pouring out. A multi-coloured syrup boasting every colour of the rainbow and more was slowly spilling out onto the kitchen floor.

"Was it supposed to do that?!" yelled Ada, watching as a flattened eggshell floated past her foot.

"I don't think so, no!" said North sarcastically. 

Both North and Ada were very fortunate that they couldn't melt from such high temperatures, as they had to clean some rather hot liquids off the kitchen floor. Thankfully, they also never tired, and the job was done quite quickly.

As they gazed at the freshly mopped floor, North let out a loud laugh.

Ada looked at her, bemused. "What's so funny?"

North was laughing wholeheartedly now. "There were melted Troll babies all over the floor. That's hilarious."

Ada rolled her eyes, trying to restrain a giggle, but the corners of her mouth kept pulling upwards despite her efforts. They both erupted with laughter, leaning against each other as they let it all out.

"So," said Ada after a few moments. "The store's open 24 hours, right? Because we need a replacement cake, right away."

"Yup. And more sprinkles."

*

A half hour later, they were both stood in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on a freshly iced store-bought cake. Ada stood with the nozzle, carefully writing Valerie's requested message, while North was behind her, chin resting on Ada's shoulder as she held her hands in an attempt to help guide the icing.

"You think she'll mind that we bought it?" said North, as she and Ada finished writing the word 'piece'.

"I took quite a few pictures of the oven and the floor while we were cleaning them," said Ada, concentrating hard on the curve of the final 'E'. "If she asks, we can always show her them."

North giggled, but she was extra careful not to let her hands shake and throw Ada off. "So, we're not cut out to be bakers."

"I don't know how it was so runny," said Ada in disbelief. "At least SOME of it should have been solid, right?!"

"We found a way to make the ultimate disaster cake!"

"We're unstoppable in how bad we are at cooking," said Ada sardonically. "Anyway, this is nice."

"Writing about Tina's ass on a cake is nice?"

"Sure!" said Ada with a smile, finishing off the word 'of'. "We very rarely get to bond over writing thirsty messages about our friends on cakes."

"I won't lie to you, I hope this is the last time we do that," said North.

Ada, relieved she hadn't run out of space for the last word, sheepishly said, "Sorry I ruined your night."

"Oh come on, Ada, I was kidding," North stroked Ada's hands with her thumbs as they iced the cake together. "I got to push you around in a shopping cart and then bake with you! It was the first time I've ever baked with anyone, you know."

"Me too!" said Ada happily. "I guess I was waiting to do it with someone really special."

North smirked. "Oh, I'm so happy you were my first."

"I will always be grateful you took my bake-ginity, North."

"Bake-ginity is a social construct."

Ada guffawed in agreement, and with that, they'd finished the cake.

"Well, that was an adventure," said Ada. She took North's hand and led her to the couch. "Tomorrow we party with the humans but for now, it's Killing Eve time."

*

The following night, Tina had the promotion party she deserved. The store-bought cake proved to be delicious, and Nines and Gavin had decorated the apartment to perfection. In the end, however, it hardly mattered. Her best friends were there, everyone she loved was there, and they were all celebrating an achievement she'd worked for her entire career. It was all she wanted, perfection be damned. True to Valerie's word, Tina loved her cake, and loved her party even more. She had even teared up a little when the others insisted upon her making a speech.

The humans had all gotten rather tipsy as the night went on and insisted upon playing Just Dance. Somehow, even in an incredibly inebriated state, they were better at it than all the androids in attendance (with the possible exception of North). The truth eventually came out about the store-bought cake, and Valerie couldn't have cared less. The only thing that mattered to her was that two androids who had never even used a knife and fork before spent all night trying their very best to bake a complex and delicious cake to make Tina happy. After all, a happy Tina meant a happy Valerie. Tina had some good friends looking out for her.

North and Ada never attempted to cook again, but they were happy to write thirsty messages on cakes whenever Valerie requested it in the future, no matter how weird it was to pass on a compliment about Tina's ass through icing and a nozzle. They were happy to do anything together, really, especially for some of the only functional lesbians that they knew. It had been quite the experience, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> (with this one... i kinda lost my nerve halfway through??? idk i just got really in my own head like "no one wants to read this, what are you even doing". i had none of these emotions when writing the actual smut adanorth fic which was very new territory for me but this one about wholesome cooking shenanigans is apparently too much for my brain to handle lmao you can tell I really gave up at the end huh
> 
> then I remembered what Chris Conner, prep school blues author and excellent friend, told me once: it literally does not matter if one or a million people like what you do. just write what you wanna write, and good things will follow, including peace with yourself for finishing the thing
> 
> SO HERE'S A FLUFF FIC THAT FOR SOME REASON GAVE ME AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BYE
> 
> also here's the recipe Ada and North were using! https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/rainbow-zebra-cake)


End file.
